My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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