So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
