We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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