Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
