i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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