It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
