hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
