paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
