i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
