I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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