Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
