Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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