sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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