Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
