Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So squirting runs in the family.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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