what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
this just has baby written all over it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
