so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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