And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
