Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
