The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
