If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
