How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
