I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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