Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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