just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
