Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need to calm my uterus...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
