I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
