I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
