You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
