I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
