I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
