You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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