Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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