a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
