chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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