I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
