Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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