butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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