I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your cock deserves a montage
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
