she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
