what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
