you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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