I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
