just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
