i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
