I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
