guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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