How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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