life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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