My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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